If you’re anything like me, the last few months have been wildly dysregulating. You could throw a dart every ten minutes and each time, you’ll hit another event that draws us away from our core expression of who we are. When we are grieving an ongoing situation, it can be easy to lose sight of our core values, and that’s the spot we want to return to when we begin looking for more regulating practices. So today, we’re going to talk about how to recognize when we’re out of alignment and move back toward a connection with ourselves that honors the heart of why we cared in the first place.
The phrase “The world is not mine to save” resonates deeply in a culture that often glorifies individual heroism and relentless pursuit of solutions. It serves as a reminder that, despite our best intentions, we cannot—and should not—carry the weight of the world’s injustices and struggles on our shoulders. However, this mantra can be misunderstood. It does not absolve us of our responsibility to act on behalf of our communities or to stand in solidarity with those in need. Rather, it encourages a shift from a mindset of saviorism to one of collective responsibility and connectedness.
In a world that often feels broken and unjust, many of us are driven by a deep desire to fix what seems wrong. We find ourselves consuming endless books, signing up for every course, and chasing every solution, all in an attempt to regain a sense of certainty and control. It’s a common response to grief and overwhelm, especially when faced with systemic injustices, societal turmoil, and personal struggles. But this need to grasp for answers and exert control can leave us feeling disconnected, exhausted, and no closer to the change we seek. So how do we move toward a healthier, more embodied approach to being effective in the world?
Personally, my core values at this season of my life are curiosity, openness, authenticity, rest, and hope. Living from a place of alignment with my values means moving toward self and others with one or more of these values as a lens. That plays out beautifully in difficult conversations – as a lens, curiosity allows me to remain patient, connected, and invested in a conversation not for the sake of the outcome, but for the sake of the person. Even when I am filled with grief as a result of the topic, the person’s approach, or any other factor, I can remain connected to myself and my personal ethos of honoring the humanity and dignity of another person.
But what about when I drop my lens of curiosity? Let’s say I miss the inner cues of dysregulation, and instead of keeping my curiosity on, I become frustrated or let my anger speak for itself. Out comes a version of me that is stuttering, flustered, and binary in thinking. The personhood of the other is no longer an important factor; protecting my ego and being safe from harm is primary.
When we believe the world is ours to save, we are operating from a state of inflated ego and an unrealistic worldview. We are not the isolated heroes of the story, able to educate and correct every harmful hot take that we hear. Instead, our healthiest approach is to apply a lens of wonder toward our own inner world, find connection back to our self, and only then, choose to move toward others. It may not fix what we feel is broken, but fixing also cannot be our goal.
In fact, before we even begin that movement back toward ourselves, we have to acknowledge the roots of our desire to fix everything around us. This urge to fix stems from a place of grief and fear. When we are overwhelmed by the enormity of the world’s problems—be they injustice, inequality, or even the disconnection we feel in our own lives—our instinct is often to gather more knowledge, take more action, and tighten our grip. However, this response can be counterproductive. Instead of fostering change, it can leave us burnt out, anxious, and disconnected from the very communities we want to support. This is a black and white way of thinking, driven by ego, to try and repair and protect our unrealistic view of the world.
1. Shift from Control to Connection
Think back to your last emotionally-charged interaction with someone about current events. Can you see where a disconnection existed? Now, recall the one before that. If we’re honest, we can notice that this state of connection with ourselves ebbs and flows. Connection is on a spectrum, and when we lose sight of that truth, we lean toward control. And when we are stuck in a cycle of needing to control outcomes, we lose sight of the power of connection. Can you see the cycle here? Our job as grief literate people is to notice where we are in the cycle and instead of continuing, look for a way off the beaten path before us. A healthier path away is to recognize that we don’t have to fix everything to make a difference. True change happens when we are deeply connected to the people and communities around us, not when we try to take on every injustice alone.
Connection is the antidote to control. Instead of focusing on what you can “fix” or how much information you can consume, shift your attention to how you can connect with others in meaningful ways. This could be through conversations, shared actions, or simply offering support and presence to those who need it. The most powerful movements for change often start small—by building trust, fostering relationships, and creating spaces where people feel seen and heard.
2. Release the Savior Complex
And as you work toward a space where others feel seen and heard, remember, this space is for you, too. If you are hellbent on helping others, you’ll miss your own wellbeing in the process. Many of us feel an unconscious responsibility to save the world or to be the person who solves every problem. While this drive may come from a place of compassion and care, it’s important to recognize that no one person can carry the weight of fixing everything. When we internalize the idea that we must be the ones to solve every issue, we set ourselves up for disappointment and exhaustion because my friends, we are not the saviors of the world. Believing so – even in small ways – is another way our ego reinforces an unrealistic worldview that prevents us from moving toward a more integrated, authentic self.
Instead, focus on what is within your control. What small, intentional actions can you take that align with your values and contribute to the well-being of those around you? By releasing the pressure to be a savior, you allow space for others to step up and contribute their unique gifts to the collective effort.
3. Cultivate Grounding Practices
When we give ourselves permission to focus on the state of our inner world, we can move away from protecting our ego and unrealistic worldview. It is in this space that we find a need to replace what formerly kept us grounded in the ego with a more fluid, supportive practice to reinforce a realistic awareness of our place in the world. Ego-driven grounding reinforces the false beliefs we have that protect our own ideas instead of allowing us to be open and available to new information.
And we know that when you’re caught in the cycle of needing to know and do more, it’s easy to become disconnected from your body and your own needs. A realistic awareness of our place in the world serves to release some of the pressure we put on ourselves. We’re not the center of the universe! What kind of release could you experience in your own grief work if you allowed yourself to simply reconnect with that truth?
Breaking the pattern of trying to rescue everyone is crucial. It helps us step away from the ‘Whataboutisms’ we use to grasp for control when we feel powerless. To do so, focus on cultivating grounding practices that help you reconnect with yourself and the present moment. This could include mindfulness, breathwork, somatic exercises, or spending time in nature—anything that gets you out of your cyclical, critical way of thinking and into your body.
Grounding practices may sound like such a boring and familiar recommendation, but that’s because the body can only be here in the present moment. Yes, we can carry embodied memories of the past, but until Doc Brown cracks time travel for real (or at least shares his secrets), we are all planted firmly in the here and now. Our brain has the ability to make sense of the here and now, and understands the reality of safety in the here and now when we bring our attention to it.
Grounding practices remind us that we don’t have to live in a constant state of “doing” to create change. Presence and embodiment are just as important as action. When you’re grounded in your body and connected to your own needs, you move through the world with more clarity, presence, and sustainability—showing up in ways that actually matter.
4. Set Healthy Boundaries
As we integrate our “here and now” grounding practices for connection, we also have to learn how to say no in a world of constant information and endless demands. Not every problem is yours to solve, and not every interaction requires your full attention. Setting healthy boundaries is essential to maintaining your well-being while still contributing meaningfully to your community.
Ask yourself: Where am I overextending? Where can I offer my gifts without draining myself? By establishing clear boundaries, you create space for your energy and efforts to have a greater impact, rather than spreading yourself too thin across too many causes. This also allows you to recenter your efforts on causes that align with your core values.
One of the main principles of activism is knowing what you stand for – and you cannot stand against everything. Effective activism requires clarity in purpose and focus. If you try to stand against everything, you risk spreading yourself too thin, diluting your impact, and burning out.
Activism is most powerful when it is intentional and grounded in core values. That doesn’t mean ignoring interconnected issues, but it does mean prioritizing where you direct your energy. By knowing what you stand for, you can engage in meaningful, sustainable action rather than reacting to every injustice in a way that ultimately leaves you exhausted and ineffective.
It’s about depth over breadth—being rooted in a cause so that your work creates real change rather than just noise—and boundaries are the expression of our needs and values in action.
I love the work of Nedra Glover Tawwab on healthy boundaries and the work it takes to reinforce said boundaries, so if you’re unfamiliar with her work, consider this your assignment to buy her book. The link is in the show notes.
5. Lean into Vulnerability
It can be really hard to execute the boundaries we want or notice that we’ve left our values behind because of fear. Fear of feeling powerless, out of control, or even too vulnerable creates disconnection from those values and the outcomes we really want to see.
But true connection and change come when we are willing to be vulnerable. Vulnerability allows us to acknowledge our limits, to ask for help, and to trust that others can share the burden of making the world a better place. Does that sound familiar? Vulnerability is crucial for the sake of boundary work, being grounded, learning to say no, and ultimately, reintegrating our values in place of the harmful values we have unintentionally embodied through our ego.
Vulnerability is practiced when we start to name the values our ego puts forth as primary. When we’re driven by ego, our core values can become distorted, often leading us to prioritize self-protection, control, or external validation over genuine connection and integrity.
Letting go of the need to control every outcome and embracing vulnerability can be transformative. It invites others into the process and allows for collective growth, rather than individual burnout. By showing up authentically—imperfections and all—you create space for deeper connection and more sustainable change.
6. Trust the Ripple Effect
Ultimately, what we want to offer our true self is the chance to surface and trust the ripple effect. This is the healthiest and most sustainable path forward. Each of our small, intentional actions create little shifts toward or away from the desired outcomes. We know this to be true, because in our own internal work, every action we take moves us closer to or further from the person we want to become – there is no standing still.
You don’t have to take on the world’s problems singlehandedly, nor do you have to handle the issues all at once and once and for all. By focusing on your immediate community and the people around you, you can make a meaningful impact without feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of global issues. How might trusting the ripple effect of your life help you to embody your core values more closely today?
When you lead from a place of connection, groundedness, and vulnerability, your actions inspire others to do the same. This ripple effect spreads outward, creating change on a much larger scale than any one person could accomplish alone. Trust that your presence, your values, and your small, intentional actions matter—even if you can’t see the immediate results.
Letting go of the need to fix everything doesn’t mean giving up on creating change. I also understand that when we are grieving so much at once, the powerlessness gets loud and permeates into so many corners of our lives. This is why we need grief literacy when the world feels like a dumpster fire. Grief literacy in this context means recognizing that you are part of a larger community and that your responsibility is not to carry the weight of the world alone. By shifting your focus from control to connection, setting healthy boundaries, and embracing vulnerability, you can engage with the world from a place of embodied presence and continue working toward restoration for yourself and on behalf of others.
Thank you for listening to episode 180 of Restorative Grief. Lasting change doesn’t come from trying to do it all—it comes from showing up, connecting with others, and trusting that your efforts, no matter how small, are enough. You don’t need to consume every book or chase every solution to be effective. The real power lies in how you move within your community and how you allow yourself to be part of a larger, collective effort for change.
If this is your first time listening to the podcast, I want to thank you for your willingness to dig into the discomfort of growth. We need more people willing to say the hard thing with compassion over criticism, knowing the seeds they plant today will bear fruit for a future generation to feast upon.
Be sure to check out the show notes for Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book on boundary setting, as I think it is required reading for all humans in grief work, and in the show notes, you’ll also find the link to our Patreon to support the show, as well as access the workbook and bonus podcast episodes. Share this episode on your social media, too, because you know your connections are watching what you post, even if they’re not engaging. You might just help someone out of the difficult place they find themselves stuck within.
And as always, before we go, one last thing. Please remember, the only solution for grief is to do the work of grieving. Thank you for listening. I’ll see you next week.
Links + Resources from this episode: