What Do You Really Want? – Restorative Grief by Mandy Capehart

This week I just have a simple question for you and before you think you already know what I mean, pause. The beauty of this conversation is hidden by its simplicity. The question is not simply, “What do you want?” It’s “What do you really want, and how do you know?”

So what kind of a question is “What do you really want?” It sounds a little flippant, and maybe dismissive. When we are grieving, people ask what we need all the time and we offer the best answer we can bear. It’s either a very quick and practical response of dinner or maybe help around the house. Maybe it’s a sarcastic response, meant to drive people back because we’re hurting and have no idea how to answer.

But often, we just don’t know what we need.

Rather than assign you the task of setting with a pen and pad of paper to determine the things you need to heal, I want you to reflect on what you want.

We all want to feel differently, have our grief removed from us, express ourselves honestly. That’s not the question I’m offering.

What do you want that you could attain in this life that would truly move the needle for you? What could you gain or create or experience that would alter the way you see yourself and your life moving forward?

When we face our grief, we are facing a restructuring. Our entire lives upended, this is where we must decide if we will hide from the chaos long term or if we will strategize with intention. But as I’ve said before, to know where you’re headed means you have to know more about where you must begin.

So let’s begin today. This is an intentionally shorter episode so that you can make time to connect with yourself.

What do you want? If you’re not sure what you want, or something doesn’t easily come to mind, use the Restorative Grief framework to guide you.

Consider your head and thoughts – consider your emotions and heart – consider your body and feelings – consider your spirit and connections.

What area of your whole self has the greatest need right now? Which part is crying out for attention and restructuring?

And what, knowing what you know now about yourself, grief, and how you move through the world, do you want for that part of you that deserves your attention and love?

Thank you for reading along with episode 90 of Restorative Grief. I know this was brief, but I’m so grateful you’re here every week and I hope you will take this shorter episode to make some time and reflect on what restructuring could mean for you. As always, thank you to my patrons for supporting this work and to each of you listening for continuing to show up for yourself as you navigate grief work. Be sure to subscribe to the show on Spotify or wherever you listen and leave a shiny 5 star review because you know they’re my favorites.

For the rest of the summer, we are going to revisit some older topics of discussion alongside some incredible interviews so if you find you’re facing an episode you’ve already heard, listen again and see if you can glean something new. You’re not the same person you were the first time you listened, so give your restructuring self the chance to integrate deeper.

And one last thing, as always. Please remember the only solution for grief is to do the work of grieving. Thank you for listening. I’ll see you next week!

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