Well, it’s been about a month or so since we’ve been back in school, and if your kids are anything like the kids I know, there has already been at least one moment of tension, frustration, hurt, anger, or sadness. And here’s the thing: those moments aren’t bad—they’re just big. And when feelings get too big, kids (and parents) need tools to handle them in ways that build connection instead of shutting it down.
Today, I want to share a practice you can listen to with your kids. It’s about learning how to notice what emotions feel like in the body, giving ourselves permission to say ‘this is valid,’ and finding ways to ask for what we need when grief or hard feelings show up. So whether you’re a parent, a teacher, or a kid listening right now—this episode is for you.
I want to invite you into a different kind of conversation today. This one is for you—and for the younger version of you. And if you’re listening with your kids, it’s for them, too. Let’s start with a pause. Go ahead and take one deep breath in…and let it all the way out. Good. Now, imagine for a moment that we’re sitting together with your younger self—the kiddo that still lives inside you somewhere. Maybe they’re just a few years younger than you are now, or maybe they’re much smaller, like the version of you that used to play outside all day or curl up with picture books. Whoever they are, they’re welcome here.
Hi, kiddo. I’m so glad you’re listening, too. Thanks for trusting me with a little bit of your attention. Before I was a grief coach and an author, I spent years working with kids. I worked at summer camps, afterschool programs, and now I coach soccer, too. So I’ve had the chance to see what life looks like through a lot of kids’ eyes. And you know what I’ve learned? Sometimes, adults don’t understand. In fact, a lot of the time we don’t. We forget what it feels like to be your age. And that’s frustrating, isn’t it? But here’s the important part: even if adults don’t always understand, they can—if compassion is at the center.
See, when people feel uncomfortable or upset, they might push compassion aside. Instead, their frustration or anger gets louder than their care. That’s true for grown-ups, and sometimes for kids, too. And when that happens, connection breaks. We feel more alone, more misunderstood.
But there’s another option. We can pause. We can choose compassion. And one of the best tools we have is already built inside us: our bodies. Think about this for a second: our bodies are often the very first to tell us something is wrong. Our stomach might feel knotted. Our face might get hot. Our throat might feel tight. Sometimes we notice tears before we even know why they’re there. That’s the body speaking.
When we slow down enough to notice these signals, we start to understand: Oh. This is what grief feels like in my body. Or this is what being misunderstood feels like. And here’s the key: every time you notice those signals, you have permission to say, “This is valid.” Even if part of you wants to shove it away. Even if you’re tempted to say, “It’s not a big deal.”
Because your body is not lying to you. It’s telling you the truth of your experience. This is especially important for kids who are grieving. Sometimes we think art or play therapy is the only way to help kids open up. And those can be wonderful tools. But there’s another way, too: we can help kids notice the wisdom of their own bodies in hard moments.
It’s just like learning to honor hunger and fullness cues. When a child says they’re full, and we force them to keep eating, we teach them to ignore their body’s signals. Over time, that weakens their trust in their own wisdom. Grief works the same way. When kids are told, “You’re fine,” or “Don’t cry,” or “It’s not that bad,” we’re teaching them to silence the very signals that help them heal. But when we pause, notice what our body is saying, and name it—we’re strengthening that trust. We’re saying: “My body is showing me I’m hurting. That means my pain is real. And if it’s real, it matters.”
And here’s where compassion comes in: once we recognize those signals, we can share them. We can give the people around us a map. It might sound like, “My chest feels heavy right now, and I need someone to just sit with me.” Will adults always get it right the first time? Nope. Just like you didn’t learn to walk or read in one day, adults don’t always learn compassion in one try. But if you keep sharing, and if they keep practicing, connection grows. And that’s how healing happens—together.
So here’s the truth, kiddo—and grown-ups, this is for you too:
- When we ignore our body’s signals, we drift further from healing.
- When we notice and honor them, we stay connected to ourselves.
- When we share them with compassion, we stay connected to each other.
You’ve got this. And so do the people who love you. Take one more deep breath in…and let it out. Remember that younger you—and your body—are always there, guiding you back to what’s real, and what matters.
Thank you for listening to episode 208 of Restorative Grief. I hope this practice helps you and your kids (and inner child) notice what emotions feel like in the body—and trust that those signals matter. It’s surprising to realize how often we suppress ourselves, isn’t it? And yet, every time we notice it, we give ourselves a chance to respond differently and repair with our kids, our inner kids, and our adult selves, too. If this is the first time you’ve listened, I’m so glad you’re here. If you found this helpful, please subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, share this episode with another parent, and let yourself lean into compassion when feelings get loud for yourself and others. It is worth the work. Thank you to my Patrons of the show for supporting this vision and continuing to push grief literacy in your communities. It’s making a difference! And as always, before we go, one last thing. Please remember, the only solution for grief is to do the work of grieving. Thank you for listening. I’ll see you next week.
Links + Resources from this episode: